Ok, so even if this list seems a little ridiculous, it’s always a good idea to create one just the same. By making a list, you become more aware of what you can put up with, and that which you really can’t.
It’s the beginning of October, what most people call the beautiful beginning of autumn, but what is known to most college students as the lease week from hell. On any big campus there’s the big push to sign your lease for the following year EARLY. This means researching houses and apartments a good three or four days after starting your first classes, bribing landlords to get your perfect house, or if you’re like me, procrastinating until three weeks before you move back to school the next year to find out where to put all your stuff. Regardless, the beginning of October always brings to mind the wonderful activity of picking your roommates. I know everyone is quick to grab their two best friends, sign their lease, and hope that it all works out and nothing changes within the year, but just in case you have a couple doubts, here are the top five questions you should ask yourself before committing to spending an entire year with someone:
1. Can I see myself hanging out with this person on the weekends?
Ok, no matter what stories people have told you, your roommate does NOT need to be your best friend that you do everything with. In fact, it usually works out better when you two don’t have to spend a ton of time outside your actually time within the apartment together. However, you should like the person enough and be comfortable enough with them that you feel as though you can go out with them on the weekends every once in a while. If your roommate seems too much of a partier and you can’t quite keep up with that scene, BACK OUT NOW. You don’t want to end up coming home on a Monday night ready to get a good night of studying in before finals week and find a 27 year-old guy named Zach in your apartment wearing nothing but his tighty-whiteys with a brewski in one hand and no roommate to be found. (Oh yea, did she forget to mention he was coming over?) On the flip side, if you think your roommate can’t keep up with YOUR social agenda, the same rules apply. (After all, she may not understand that what you and Zach have is special.)
2. Can I be myself around this person without them caring/judging me?
Establishing a judge free zone is essential when deciding whether or not to sign a lease with someone. If you can’t be yourself around the person, wearing no make up and eating a bag of Oreos for breakfast on a Saturday morning, then it probably isn’t a good match. If you think you are always going to have to impress your roommate or live up to some expectation, you are in a BAD situation. After all, this is going to be your home for at least 9 months. If you’re always putting on a show, you’ll never get that chance to completely veg-out or do whatever weird rituals you hope no one has to find out about (like eating three servings of easy mac while watching Spongebob Squarepants on Saturday mornings…true story) but that make you who you are.
3. Is this person a good support line or just a casual friend?
It all comes down to what you are looking for. If you are someone who is somewhat reluctant to let others into your personal life (and I’m not saying there’s something wrong with that. My Grandfather was one of those people and would get annoyed when the check-out lady at the grocery store tried to make small talk with him. As he put it, “I’m not into telling strangers my life story. I just want to buy some goddamn milk!” But God bless that man, for even though he was a closed book, he was one of the sweetest men in the world. But I digress…) then you have no extra homework to do in order to find out the level on which you can depend on your fellow roomie. However, one great thing about roommates is that if they aren’t a part of your central friend group, they can serve as the safety net you need when things with your friends get tough, or if school gets too overwhelming. It’s always a little more comforting knowing that if you are to have a complete mental breakdown at four in the morning, there’s someone you can wake up and listen to you wine before knocking some sense into you for waking them up so early and make you feel back in control with your life.
4. Is this person reliable?
When splitting an apartment with someone for the first time, you have to start dividing cost for bills, groceries, or whatever it may be. At the very least, in most cases there is a security deposit that is issued back to a single responsible member of the party. It really comes down to the ability of good judgment: Can you trust this person to pay the bills on time? Can you rely on this person to return your money to you at the end of your lease? Is this person logical enough not to create a fire pit on the top of the roof above your bedroom, or is this person just plain stupid? In the case of one of my best friends, it was the latter—which was a problem that could have been avoided through asking these questions ahead of time.
5. Can you share?
It’s the lesson embedded in our minds since we were in preschool. “You have to share in order to make friends/be a nice person/have Jimmy stop biting you during play-time.” Living with someone is essentially the exact same way. Can you share your personal space with someone else? Are you going to be bothered by having your roommate accidentally eat some of your homemade chocolate cookies your grandma sent you from back home without throwing a hissy fit? Can you share a living space with someone who may not be as neat as you are or is much more anal about things being in their “right place.” If the answer is no, maybe you don’t need a roommate. Hey, there’s nothing bad about living alone. For many people, it’s much preferable. Before signing your contract, really think about whether or not you like to share. Sometimes the “MIIIIINNEEEE” phase can carry on into the adult phases of your life, and hey, there sure is hell nothing wrong with that.
Some other simple guidelines:
- Establish some rules of what’s ok and what’s not. For instance, clearing whether or not it’s ok for friends friend out of town can crash at your place for the weekend, or establishing designated study hours where the other person shouldn’t bring other people over or try to be quieter. Both parties should be open for compromise and revisions of these rules/guidelines over time, but in the long-run, a lot of hardships and grievances can be avoided by having these kinds of talks ahead of time. You don’t want to make an ass out of u and me right? Well you don’t want to feel like an ass when u and me get in a fight over bringing your drunk friends over the night before an exam either, so let’s have a nice chat ahead of time.
- Always know that you’re never stuck living with your roommate. Even if you two end up not being the best match for living together, if you can’t manage to make it through your lease, there are always ways to make the situation better or to move in somewhere else if need be. There’s no use making yourself unhappy for an entire year if the situation ends up being that horrible. Even if you can’t end up breaking your lease, if all else fails, you can always hid out on your best friend’s futon five nights out of the week. The perfect home away from home.
